I’m sorry that I directed you towards transphobic feminist detrans groups. I can understand why you’d feel betrayed. You were looking for actual support and I directed you to a toxic transphobic cult instead. I should never have done that to you or anyone else who got in touch with me and I’m sorry. We must have spoken on Tumblr because I’m not on Facebook and never participated in the groups on there. I did put people in contact with the people running the Facebook groups though and I regret doing that now, because you’re right, that was a way a lot of people got radicalized/recruited. I’m very glad that you didn’t sucked in and got out of there relatively quickly. It’s still not okay that I referred you to those groups in the first place and I’m sorry for any harm I caused by doing so.

I’m aware that most detransitioned people aren’t “ex-trans” people and/or join anti-trans groups. I first encountered detransitioned people in trans and queer communities many years before I converted to transphobic feminism, so I know that most are trans-friendly and/or still identify as some kind of trans. I created the term “ideologically-motivated detransition” (which people sometimes shorten to ideological detransition) to distinguish the kind of experiences I had from other detransition experiences because I didn’t want people to think that all people who detransition are like me. When I talk about my experiences, I try to make it clear that what I’m talking about applies to me and/or the specific group of detrans people I was a part of and isn’t true for all people who detransition.

When I compare my experiences those of ex-gay people, I’m just describing what I lived through. I spent years trying to suppress my feelings and stop being trans because I believed that was the only way I could heal from past trauma and find self-acceptance. It’s not too different from gay people who tried to suppress and change their sexuality because they’d been taught to think it was symptom of unhealed trauma. I’m not the only one who sees similarities. People who used to be ex-gay and conversion therapy survivors, both gay and trans, have told me they find my experiences relatable. There are also transphobic detrans activists who work with Christian ex-LGBT activists and groups who promote conversion therapy. See for example: https://healthliberationnow.com/2021/09/26/when-ex-trans-worlds-collide/.

I would never say that all detransitioned people are like “ex-gay” people because that’s not true and would only cause harm. I’m trying to bring attention to a specific subset of people who detransition as result of converting to a transphobic ideology while trying to distinguish them from detransitioned people as a whole. If that wasn’t clear, I apologize. I can definitely understand why you’d be upset if you thought I was claiming that all detransitioned people are like me. That would be a very harmful and ignorant claim to make.

Again, I’m sorry that I directed you towards TERF bullshit because no one should ever be directed towards those groups/ideology under any circumstance. It sounds like you eventually got the kind of support you actually needed. I hope that you did in any case and that your life is going well now.